 Leading figures from West Midlands football have agreed to answer the questions of Row Z readers.*
This week it's the turn of Wolves midfielder Paul Ince to take his place in the hotseat: Hi Paul! I'm a big fan. Of the clubs you've played for, which was your favourite? Andy, Shipston-on-Stour PI: A true professional doesn't do 'favourites', Andrew. He pulls on the jersey and gives it everything, no matter where he is or who he's playing for. Even if his team-mates are a bunch of Nationwide journeymen masquerading as Premiership players. Do you regret causing all that uspet in the East End when you left West Ham? Harry, Portsmouth PI: I look back on my time at West Ham with great fondness. I was young, they were a great bunch of lads and we had fun. But - how can I put this without sounding big-headed? - they were c**p and I was brilliant so it wouldn't have worked out in the long run. How did the 'Gov'nor' nickname come about? Roy, Manchester PI: Well Roy, it was just one of those things that happens in football. I had toyed about with variations on the Gov'nor theme; Senator, Congressman, First Assistant to the Politburo, but Gov'nor was the one that stuck. Then one day the lads at Manchester United all got a fax from my agent saying I wanted to be known as 'The Gov'nor' or in the case of people I considered close enough to drop the formalities, simply 'Gov'nor'. The next morning at training all the lads were into it. Giggsy was saying 'your ball, Gov'nor', Keano was saying 'square pass, Gov'nor', and Fergie was saying '**** off to Inter Milan, Paul'. You spent a couple of years in Italy. What was that like? Giovanni, Edgbaston PI: It was a real eye-opener and no mistake. All the players were incredible athletes and always immaculate. I fitted in immediately, of course. And the Italian notion of 'respect' was something the Gov'nor had no problems adjusting to.
Who is the hardest midfielder at Wolves? Dave, Wolverhampton PI: It's not a case of 'hard', Dave. It's about getting the job done. Sometimes you can get a job done real gentleman-like and there's no need to be 'hard', as you put it. But what can I say? Sometimes accidents happen. Sometimes people can be a bit clumsy. And everyone knows who the clumsiest man in my manor is. How do you think your experience helps your colleagues at the club? Keith, Wolverhampton PI: Well it's like this, at a place like this, it's all about respect. If someone comes to me, nice and respectful, and asks for a favour, I may very well do them a favour. But one day I may well ask for a favour in return. For example, young Kenneth Miller asks me for some snout and phone cards. I can sort that out for him. But only if he shows the requisite respect to The Gov'nor.
Gov'nor, on my estate we are having terrible trouble with louts hanging around the shops - can you have a word? Jean, Smethwick PI: Kids, eh, Jean? They'll break your heart, love. Do you want me to have a word or do you want me to have a 'word'?
My brother in law Charlie borrowed my Black and Decker power drill, seven months ago now, I have asked for it back loads of times but he won't return it, any ideas Gov'nor? Terry, Dudley
PI: Well Terry, when family are involved it's difficult, but let's face it, he ain't blood is he, and he is taking you for a mug. A ********* MUG! Are you a mug Tel? Are you? Tell him the Gov'nor says 'give it back'. And if that doesn't do the trick, tell him a certain Mr G Ov'nor will be recreating a certain scene from Marathon Man with said Black & Decker. Capiche? Gov'nor, I think my husband's having an affair. Any advice? Hilary, Bilston PI: Boys will be boys, love, but if he's taking a liberty then I suppose The Gov'nor could whisper a few home truths in the shell-like of your nearest and dearest. Gov'nor, my right-hand-man has designs on my job. He's been plotting behind my back. Can you help, please? Tony, Westminster PI: Well Tone, sounds to me like you need to hand your right-hand-man a gentle reminder. First, get a roll of masking tape, some pliers and a blow torch. Then, get a few mates and... Row Z (interrupts): I'm afraid that's all we've got time for. Thank you, Paul, er, sorry Gov'nor. PI: A pleasure. * No they haven't. We've made the whole thing up. | 
Row Z 
