Wolves loan 'star' Henri Camara has revealed he'll only let Celtic spend another £5 million on him to make his transfer permanent if he doesn't get an offer from "a bigger club".
 Aside from the trifling matter of the remaining two-and-a-half years of his contract with Wolves - and the fact he's strugging to score goals against the likes of Livingston and Inverness Caledonian - it's difficult to know just how many bigger clubs there are than Celtic (50,000 season ticket holders, one European Cup, three European finals, about four million domestic trophies). In yet another stunning Row Z exclusive, our 'Enri rates possible destinations in his own words*... Real Madrid
 "If the terms were right, I'd consider it. But look at what happened to poor Michael Owen. He goes over there and ends up sitting on the bench. Obviously Michael Owen's no Henri Camara, but it's food for thought. "After all, I'm not going all that way to slum it behind duffers like Raul and Ronaldo. No way, Jose. If they want this 'galactico' they'd better start impressing him, pronto." AC Milan
 "They were in Celtic's Champions' League group this season and - with, ahem, one obvious exception - man for man they were a far better side than us, so that takes care of the 'bigger club' problem. "But do their ambitions match my own? They can call my agent and have a chat, but I won't make any promises." Bayern Munich
 "In Germany, they're known as 'FC Hollywood' because of the amount of glamour and scandal that eminates from the club. They've got a good pedigree, and are always there or thereabouts in the Champions League, but in Henri Camara's dictionary, there's no such word as 'there or thereabouts'. "I'm only interested in cast-iron, 100 per cent, guaranteed winners. A club that will always be challenging for honours year in, year out. A club like Celtic, in fact. Only bigger." Rangers
 "At Christmas time, our thoughts turn to little baby Jesus, a shining light of hope for all in our dark world. "Like Jesus, I take my responsibilities as a megastar very seriously. And like Jesus, I am prepared to love my neighbour - if the terms are right. "So I would consider any offer from across the Glasgow divide, in a bid to bring peace, harmony and, most of all joy, to the world. "After all, if Rangers shelled out £5 million to sign me, Celtic fans would be p****** themselves laughing for years." * Of course he doesn't. We've made it up. | 
