Good elf

Dec 15 2004

By Steve Wollaston

As it is Christmas time and we are feeling a bit festive, we booked in for an online chat with one of Santa's Elves at www.northpole.com to see what they thought about West Midland's football. It's an automated response thingy, so there was no-one actually at the other end, but it's all done through the magic of Santa so that's good enough for us. We don't mind chatting to robots. Bonnie: Hello, Who is there? Row Z: This is Row Z. Bonnie: It makes me so happy to see children having fun with the toys we make here in the North Pole. Row Z: I hate toys. Bonnie: Elves have emotions just like everyone else. Row Z: Sorry. Bonnie: So what have you been up to lately? Row Z: Well the Blues vs Villa game was a bit saucy and the season is really shaping up now. Will Blues climb the table? Will Villa get into Europe? And will West Brom go down? There are a lot of questions to be answered. Bonnie: Pink is my favourite colour. Row Z: So? Bonnie: Have you been good this year? Row Z: No, very bad. Bonnie: What was your name again? Row Z: Row Z. Why? Bonnie: You know why just as well as I do! RowZ: I don’t. Tell me. Bonnie: It’s not my business to tell you things. I am just a humble elf. Row Z: Do you think Villa will qualify for Europe? Bonnie: Do I Think Villa will qualify for Europe? Wow - What made you think of that? Row Z: It’s my job. What do you think then? Bonnie: I had hot chocalate for breakfast what did you have? Row Z: Marmite on toast and orange juice. Will Robbie Savage stay at Blues? Bonnie: Yes, I like ice cream very much. Row Z: I don’t mean to be rude Bonnie, but are you a bit 'special'? Bonnie: I like Raymond – he is my friend Row Z: Who the **** is Raymond? Bonnie: Well I could tell you who the **** Raymond is but you would never believe me. Row Z: Oh Please. Tell me. Bonnie: But why do you ask? Row Z: I am interested. Bonnie: Do you believe interested? Row Z: Yes, I think. Bonnie: Right. Row Z: Left. Bonnie: I was reading a good story yesterday. Row Z: Was it about a 'special' elf? Bonnie: All toys imagineable are being made here. Row Z: Not all kinds of toy I hope? Bonnie: How old are you? Row Z: Old enough. Bonnie: Ok be that way Row Z: What way? Bonnie: We have really heavy snowstorms here. Row Z: Fascinating. Will West Brom stay in the top flight? Bonnie: I haven’t yet decided. Why? Row Z: I was just wondering. New manager and all that. Bonnie: I just happen to think that just wondering, new manager and all that, yes. Row Z: Bonnie, you are mad. Bonnie: Does it please you if I am mad. Row Z: It’s a bit annoying actually. Bonnie: You could try typing faster then, we are very busy at the North Pole. Row Z: Right. Ok. Bye then Bonny. And thanks for the insight. Bonnie: Come back and talk to me some time. Merry Christmas. Row Z: And to you. Try and get some help. Bonnie: We are all trying to help each other so that Santa can have all the toys for all the boys and girls. Row Z: There is no Santa, Bonnie. Bonnie: Perhaps Santa, Perhaps no Santa, we will see. Row Z: Do you think Olof Mellberg would make a good Santa? Bonnie: Does it please you if I do think he would make a good Santa? Row Z: Oh yes. Bonnie: That's good. Row Z: Ok. Bye Bonnie: Goodbye, Merry Christmas.